Mary In Bloom

It's that time of the year again!  I will start out by saying that my one word last year was "Communion" and I wanted to spend quality time in the presence of God every day.  I can tell you that although I spent some wonderful time in our Creator's presence last year, it certainly wasn't as often as I had wanted or anticipated.  That's not to say I didn't talk to Him every day because I do feel I hold an ongoing "conversation" with Him all day every day, but I longed for something deeper.  And on a couple of occasions it happened -- because I made the time for it.  He is always there waiting to commune with me, but I have to meet Him halfway and I didn't always do that.  When I did, being in His presence was spectacular, life affirming, directing, humbling, and absolutely indescribable.  I DO feel as though I have scratched the surface of what prayer can be and I know that what I experienced last year on my knees is just the beginning of a deeper relationship with Jesus. 

Last year was a very eventful year for me and Brandon!  Sacred Willow Spa expanded into the next suite in July/August, I led my first small group at church, Brandon was promoted at Meadowlands, my brother-in-law, Andrew, married his long time love, Caroline in October, and we found out we are expecting our first child, a son named Everest Henry, due in June 2014.  God has truly blessed us!  Most who know us know that we prayed for a child for 46 months before finally getting pregnant.  It wasn't always easy, but I could see God's Hands at work in our lives in preparation for this child and I am thankful He made us wait.  And I can say it was a true lesson in patience that I will carry with me for the rest of my life and I will always trust in His wisdom and sovereignty. 

So.......with so much growth in our lives last year, it was easy to choose my one word for 2014.  Balance.  When I say "balance", I don't mean dividing my focus even-steven across the board.  I truly feel I need to keep my eyes fixed on the Lord for his leading and direction in every aspect of my life.  Adding a child to my already busy life is going to require close communication with God on how and when to invest my time.  With a family owned business, a full book of clients, and a God inspired passion for my chosen profession, I will continue to work.  I know I need the guidance of the Holy Spirit to help me balance my time and energy between raising Everest, being a wife & companion to Brandon, a homemaker, serving in my church, being fully present in my business, and taking care of myself spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  I pray for God-balance and discernment this year so I will know when to scale back in one area to give more of myself in another.

Since announcing my pregnancy, I have found that a lot of people have strong opinions as to how my life should look after Everest is born.  What is important to me and what God calls me to do is not going to be the same as the next person.  I am going to be best mother I can be, but I also plan on continuing to be the best healer/massage therapist I can be because that is who God has designed me to be.  I plan on enjoying every moment of the six weeks of maternity leave I get to spend with Everest, but I know I will return joyfully to work (although I am sure I will be counting down the seconds until I get to hold him in my arms at the end of the day).  Today is the 2nd of two snow days we have had here at the beach and I can tell you that although I welcome the rest, my heart was disappointed I wasn't going to work today.  I don't know too many people who feel that way about their work.....I am blessed to have that passion.  So my prayer is to balance my time and energy, but also to listen God about what I should be doing and ignore what others have to say about my life.  Brandon and I will listen to God and He will direct the path for OUR family.  I pray that we will be a light for Everest, that he will grow to love Jesus as much as we do.  I hope he sees that everything we do is in worship of Him, our savior.  I want him to know that he is never alone, that God is always with him and that He has had a plan for him since the beginning of time.  I cannot wait to meet our little blessing.

I picked Romans 12:2 for my 2014 guiding scripture --


I particularly like The Message version of this verse (which actually includes the verse before it):

I did not recognize it as a calling as I was reading Running with the Buffaloes by Chris Lear and "sports massage therapy" was mentioned, but something within me stirred and I thought, "hmmmm..."  I did not run right out and register at the local massage therapy school or even request information on a program, instead I continued attending classes with the intention of majoring in dietetics (until I realized how much chemistry would be involved).  I did, however, continue to stumble across it in my thought processes from time to time -- turning it over in my mind and wondering, "what if?".
 I enrolled at the National Massage Therapy Institute in Falls Church, Virginia approximately three years after Lear's book lit the smallest of sparks in me and I had never actually received a massage myself.  Truth be told, up until seeing the word "sports" in front of massage therapy, I had always pictured massage as a luxury that bored housewives indulged in after a day of lounging on the couch and eating bon-bons.  I have always had an interest in the human body and if you had asked me as a senior in high school what I wanted to do, I would have told you athletic training or sports medicine.  I got side-tracked and I lost my way and tried on many different hats, but the point of all of this is that even while I was very, very far away from God, He was designing His destiny for me.  He was speaking into my soul and aligning me and my talents for Him and His glory.  I will never stop being grateful or stop tearing up when I think about His patience with me or how it must have broken His heart to see me do the things I did to myself.
I try to bring God's light with me into the massage room every day and I pray for His healing for all of those on my table and I will always love being a vessel for Him in this way, but I know He is calling me to do other things for His Kingdom.  I am seeking His will and listening for His voice, but until I see what direction He is pointing me in, I will take small faithful steps of obedience because I know they are building blocks that will eventually position me where He can use me the most. 
Recently Brandon and I were approached by our pastor and his wife about taking on a small role in the church.  If it had been just about anything else in the world, we would have immediately said yes, but this involves getting up in front of the whole congregation every Sunday if only for a few minutes at a time.  Really?  The one thing in this world that absolutely terrifies me???  But I trust the Graingers and know this was something that they had prayed about before they brought it to us.  I also believe that God calls us to be better versions of ourselves for Him.  This is one of the reasons I love my church so very much; Pastor Lucas challenges us to step up and live out our faith instead of passively listening to sermons Sunday after Sunday.  He is equipping us to equip others to share the Good News of Jesus Christ, have deeper intimacy with our Heavenly Father, and walk in harmony with the Holy Spirit.  While I was seeking a new church a little over a year ago, I had one major requirement - that it meet the standard set in Ephesians 4:11-13

This will be the third year I have chosen "my one word" to help me focus on how I want my life to change in the coming year.  In the past two years the words I chose ("Bloom" in 2011 and "Stride" in 2012) were broad in their scope and did indeed reach into all the corners of my life.  There was a blossoming that took place in '11 and I can assure you that change really picked up momentum in '12.  And how grateful I am. 

It is truly supernatural - driven by the Spirit - how much different life looks today than it did a year ago. I met a woman who attends Port City Community Church (the church that "my one word" originated from) and we had a conversation about how God really does work through your "one word".  I know this to be true which is why I think I will always have a "one word", not just for a daily reminder of where my focus should be, but to ask God to join me. 
My one verse last year was Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

My year started with that verse, but it seems have come to a close with another - Romans 5:3-4
And that is the rock that I stand on today.  Who could ask for anything more?  Well, I am going to keep on asking (Matthew 7:7).  I know Jesus is my rock, but I want to know Him more.  I want to spend this year resting on that rock.

My one word for 2013 is:
com·mun·ion
I spent the early part of 2012 spending time with God every morning -- something I was encouraged to do in a class at Barefoot Church with Pastor Jonathan Lawson where I truly felt I was being discipled.  As my year progressed in a whirlwind and the class came to an end, I slowly let this special time alone with God fall by the wayside.  Having experienced the richness of what that kind of intimacy with God can be like, I certainly have felt that my days are missing something.  Don't get me wrong, I still talk to God ALL the time and I do hear Him, but I am thirsty for more.  I need our alone time back.  I want Him to speak into my heart through His presence and His Word.  I desire both rest and revelation.  I am ready to slow down, take a deep breath, and commune with Him every morning.  I will come to Him in worship, with thanksgiving, with longing, in supplication, and without expectation because He is my heart's desire.

For a few years I have been saying the same thing, "If I lose some weight, I will get a whole new wardrobe."  I didn't mean I would reward myself by shopping for new clothes,  I was talking about my own clothes that had been hanging untouched in my closet for a long, long time.   I thought I believed that I would and could accomplish this goal and reclaim the mountain of Abercrombie and American Eagle jeans that I could no longer get past mid-thigh, many of which are almost brand new.    

I would have sporadic stints of furiously working out and walking/running with some results, but they were slow and small.  For over the past year I have fluctuated up and down within the same 5 pounds or so.  Until a couple of months ago, I never paid too much attention to my diet.  I made healthy choices most of the time, but didn't really watch my portion sizes.  Also, I like sweets and I like them at night-time.  In February I started a year long fast from alcohol (which has turned into a life-long decision) and I noticed a difference in my tummy and on the scale almost immediately. Not long after that I heard a woman in the nursery at church talking about losing 3 pounds after eliminating Splenda from her diet (something about it binding to the toxins in your body....) and although I only use it in my morning coffee, I dumped Splenda for Stevia and within a week and a half I had lost another 5 pounds.  I was feeling good!  My clothes were getting looser, my face was thinning out, and my runs were easier without the extra weight so I really started watching what I ate and buckled down on not eating after 6 P.M. (This is sometimes unrealistic as I now have a 2nd job in the evening.  If my stomach is growling when I get home at 10, I do eat something small) I really didn't do a whole lot of working out with the exception of a few long walks/runs and I have a very physical job at which I have been blessed to be busy.

People began to comment on my weight loss and compliment my appearance, but I continued to eye the untouched pants and skirts in my closet with a huge dose of skepticism.  There have been times in the past I foolishly tried something on only to be discouraged.  After losing the weight, I was feeling good and had finally gotten to a place where I was ready to let go of all the clothes I had been hanging onto.  I knew I was healthier, happier, and comfortable in my own skin again and if I didn't fit into my old clothes, no matter how expensive some of those jeans were, I was going to take them to the consignment shop and buy some new ones that fit me.  Monday was closet cleaning day.  I started with a skirt that I only wore twice in my lifetime probably about ten years ago -- something I could easily purge and not feel too bad about.  I even said aloud, "Well, I'm never going to fit into you again," but before I started a "give-away" pile with it, I decided to slip it on just to see how ridiculously tight it still was. 

AND IT ZIPPED UP.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!   The realization hit me that I never believed that I actually could fit into any of those clothes again.  Maybe that subconscious futility kept me from really putting my butt into gear and it makes me mad at myself and a little sad that I remained complacent for so long.  Now, I am not one who twirls in skirts, I never have been.  But I did -- I twirled all over my bedroom.  And then I couldn't get it off fast enough to see which of my jeans I could rotate back into my wardrobe.  Guess how many.  ALL OF THEM.  It took me about an hour to pick my jaw up off of the floor.  I can fit into things I couldn't fit into when I met my husband 5 years ago.  Some of you may have seen a recent facebook post of some pants I wanted feedback on (many people find them to be hideous, but I just adore them) -- I cannot remember the last time I was able to wear them (mom and dad have been thankful for that). 

Seeing this substantial progress has been such an encouragement to me; my workouts at the gym have been amped up and I am once again pushing myself in the area of strength training.  The only thing more satisfying than seeing sweat drip off of you at the gym is the feeling of soreness that sets in the next day.  It just feels like a job well done.  And to tell you the truth, being 32 pounds lighter feels pretty darn good too.

And so victory is mine!

I hope people don't read this and think that I find my self worth in a pant size or a number on the scale because regardless of my size, I love who I am and I never forget that I am God's masterpiece - being a little overweight did not change that.  I do, however, think it is important to be healthy and to take care of this body that I have been blessed with; after all, it is a temple for the Holy Spirit.

This is less about losing weight and more about operating at optimum performance.  Looking back on my life, some of my best times have been when I felt amazing physically -- when I was strong and had the energy to do anything I wanted.  I am now reclaiming that power and harnessing that strength and energy to do whatever God calls me to do for the glory of His kingdom.  What seemed to be a weight-loss journey was actually an awakening of a lion within me -- a lion that will roar into all the corners of my life -- while wearing cute jeans.

 

On Thursday I wore my old crucifix.  I couldn't find the cross Brandon gave me for Christmas and then remembered the crucifix my parents bought me when we were in Florence, Italy during Easter vacation 1989.  I remember vividly the care I took in picking it out and that I wanted it to be very simple so the focus was on Jesus.  We traveled from Florence to Rome and the Vatican City where I was able to have the crucifix blessed by Pope John Paul II.  Even after I wandered from my faith, the crucifix remained special to me though I seldom wore it because it is made of yellow gold and I prefer white gold or silver.

As I was wearing the necklace, several memories surfaced of my time in Catholic school and Catholic church.  Many people who have known me over the course of my life would be surprised to hear that I was a devout young girl.  I am not even sure that my parents knew the extend of my love for Jesus and our Father.  I guess that kind of love can develop when you attend mass literally six days a week at that age, but it had more to do with the Priest than the rituals, the kneeling, and standing in line for communion. 

His name was Father Francis and he was from Kenya.  His skin was like ebony, his voice sweet to the ears, and out of his eyes shone the light of God's love.  He was hard to understand because of the accent and how quickly he spoke, but God's message was being delivered through his warmth -- you just felt that God had His hand on this man when you were around him.  Even as a 6-9 year old girl it was obvious that he was close to God. 

When I had my first confession, the nuns explained to the class that we had two options: we could enter the confessional booth and kneel in front of a screen that separated us from the listening priest or we could enter the other side of the booth where we would kneel in front of the priest face to face.  I longed to come clean before God and from what I understood at that age, the priest had a direct line to Him so of course I chose the face to face option.  I entered the confessional, quietly knelt behind him (he was facing the other way waiting for the next student to enter), and finally cleared my throat to alert him to my presence.  By the surprised look on his face, and the fact that I seemed to have startled him, I think it is safe to say that not many people chose to divulge their sins eye to eye with their priest.

It was during this time of my life that I knew I wanted to devote my life to God.  I decided I would become a nun which was to me the next best thing to a priest.  A priest was able to preside over mass, bless the communion bread and cup, and most importantly, he could talk directly to God.  But alas, I was a girl.  Although I felt this highly unfair, I couldn't think of a better way of showing my love for God:  to be the most devoted nun I could. 

What happened?  I don't know......boys?  I certainly couldn't be a nun and get married and have babies.  Also, we moved to Germany and stopped attending church regularly.  My faith slipped quietly away and left a hole that I tried to fill with way too many different things.  All the wrong things.  Mom and Dad tried to have conversations with me and ignite the spark of faith within me again by inviting me (read: forcing me) out to church with them.  I had made up my mind, not necessarily to what I would believe in, but what I would NOT believe in. 

Praise God that isn't the end of my story!!  My husband entered my life (with God's light of love shining out of his eyes just like Father Francis) and my slow journey back to faith began.  My heart was stirred at Jennies Branch Baptist Church during one of his Uncle Robbie's sermons and I started listening to Southland Church out of Lexington, Kentucky on my iPod.  I kept all of this private, this exploring of my lost faith, until I announced to Brandon that I wanted to find a church.  We began attending Barefoot Church in December 2009 and then in January 2010 under the sound of Pastor Clay Nesmith's voice, I surrendered and gave my life to Christ.   Not only is my life not the same, I am not the same. 

Easter is tomorrow and I have been reflecting.


And I have a direct line to God. 

I will begin by saying that I enjoy a glass of red wine, a pint of dark beer, and an occasional margarita (on the rocks with salt).  For some time now I have felt led to fast all alcohol, toying with the idea of doing it for a month or two. God had other plans.  As I was praying this morning He made it VERY clear.  365 days.  I swear I actually heard His voice.  It's not that I think I have a problem, but it is an indulgence that I do not need in my life.  We are having steak for dinner later this week and I know I will miss that glass of Cabernet with my meal, but I am actually really looking forward to this challenge and what will be revealed to me. 

In a recent sermon, Pastor Shonn Keels talked about fasting with purpose.  It is obvious that abstaining from all alcohol has its health benefits, but I wanted a deeper challenge.  I wanted to cut something out of my life while enriching my life with something else.  I am already in the Word more; between our New Testament class with Pastor Jonathan Lawson and my morning devotional time, I am well on my way to hiding His Word in my heart (Psalm 119:11).  I truly believe that the extra time I have carved out of my day to spend with God has helped me to hear Him with more clarity.  I did not have to pray long on what my purpose was to be during this fasting and I cannot explain with my mere words what it is like have a revelation smack in the core of your heart or the joy that comes from knowing you are connected directly with the God of the universe. 

During the span of 365 days, I will attempt to memorize the Sermon on the Mount.  The seed was planted several months back when I heard Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church say that his father had memorized it.  I saw the Sermon on the Mount described as "How to live a life that is dedicated to and pleasing to God, free from hypocrisy, full of love and grace, full of wisdom and discernment."  I know it is not going to be easy, definitely harder than giving up the alcohol, but may be one of the most worthwhile tasks I have tried to tackle thus far in my life.  Last year Pastor Clay challenged the staff at Barefoot to memorize the Book of Titus (it being about leadership).  In the beginning I would often hear staffers reciting to each other in various parts of the church, but that didn't last long.  I have often wondered how many people completed that challenge -- I had heard that Greg and Krista Hoff had done it, but have never asked.  The staff at Barefoot are dedicated, committed people and that many of them did not finish this task speaks of how difficult an undertaking it must be. 

The Sermon on the Mount begins at Matthew 5:3 and ends at Matthew 7:27.  It consists of 107 verses and contains about 2000 words.  In it Jesus talks about the character of those of the kingdom of heaven (the Beatitudes), he expounds on the Ten Commandments, he teaches about prayer, fasting, money, and warns of false prophets.  The Sermon on the Mount is Jesus telling us how to live -- perfect for carrying in the heart as we are living our daily lives.  Pastor Clay gave us a formula today that I am putting into practice.  H3 = world changer.  Head, heart, hands.  The Word in my head, transforming my heart, coming out through my hands, my actions. 

It is a daunting task, but one that I know will help me grow in my walk with Christ (increase my "stride",  so to speak) and make me a brighter light for others to find their way to Him and experience the joy that only He can bring. 

2 Timothy 3:16-17

Belonging to a "life group" has been such a major part of my growth as a person, in my faith, and has helped me to feel very connected in a church as large as Barefoot.  Many Hands, One Heart (our group) has been meeting for going on two years now and is comprised of a mish-mash of people.  Many life groups form based on age or other common bonds, but One Hearters initially drew people in due to the fact that child-care was available.  Dad, Mom, Brandon, and I - though we didn't need childcare - joined so we could belong to a life group with my sister Leslie.  Since then we have had people move on, but have had many others join, usually because they knew someone else in the group.  We participate in studies, fellowship, and pray for one another.  I love every single One Hearter and have been so thankful to come together with them once a week.  I cannot count how many times our Thursday nights uplifted me when I truly needed it.

We took some time off around the holidays because of everyone's busier than usual schedule and finally met again last Thursday.  Our facilitator, Darrell, presented us with a predicament.  He and his wife Angela have extremely busy schedules for the next 6-8 weeks so they gave us a choice of taking an extended break, having someone else facilitate in their absence, or a rotation of people facilitating.  We agreed upon a rotation and felt it might be beneficial for us to review the previous weekend's sermon -- this gave everyone at least a jumping off point.  When it came time for someone to volunteer for the first week, no-one was saying anything.  I began to think maybe I should do it, but was boring a hole in my Dad's head with my eyes hoping he would step up, but he was deep in conversation with Mike.  Should I do it?  Brandon jabbed me in the leg and said quietly, "You should do it!"  Before I knew it my mouth was open and somehow words were coming out saying, "I'll do it."

Gulp.

I always take notes during the weekend message, but as Pastor Lucas Board was preaching, I was also thinking ahead to what we might talk about on Thursday night.  The first piece of scripture he used was from Ezekiel 37 and I immediately heard the Casting Crowns' song "Spirit Wind" in my head.  This is a song that has captured my imagination and actually pushes me forward in my reading of the Bible - I have very much been anticipating reading the book of Ezekiel in its entirety.  I started it one night after my regular reading plan to see what it was all about and thought, "Wow, this is a lot different from the other books I have read".  I decided to read the rest of it when I get there.

Now, I am not a Bible scholar and I am definitely not a teacher so I began to search the internet for a lesson on Ezekiel 37 that I could follow and supplement.  I found one and typed up the questions for the group and kept the entire study (questions and answers) for myself.  Initially I felt that this was going the easy route (cheating), but I have since realized that in this endeavor I am learning too.  I am not only learning about this passage of scripture, but about teaching the Word of God, and stepping out of my comfort zone. 

As I was preparing everything, Brandon kept commenting on how proud he was of me -- I just kept telling him to be quiet so I could concentrate!  After I was done I looked at him and said, "I am so not qualified to do this".  He said, "You didn't have to volunteer because I told you to".  I said, "I didn't.  My mouth just opened up and words started coming out."  He then told me what I already knew -- that it was a push from the Holy Spirit.

Laying in bed last night once again I began to think of how I am not qualified to be teaching anything from the Bible.  I was nervous, tossing and turning, and wondering if I would get any shut-eye.  And then like a lightning bolt, Lucas Board's words from last weekend's message hit me full force.  "God does not call the qualified.  He qualifies the called."  Finally I had some peace and was able to get a good night's sleep.

I am still nervous and will be all day, but I have a couple things on my side.  These people love me and support me.  I am being obedient to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and God will bring the strength, peace, and the words I need for me and and my fellow One Hearters to dive a little deeper and extract a more clear message from His Word. 

     Living in as many places as I have and no longer being geographically close to many of my friends, I have been a long time advocate and defender of Facebook.  Last month, however, there was family member with whom we were trying to reach on the phone.  It was frustrating because she would not answer her phone or return missed calls, but I saw that she was constantly on Facebook.  I not only felt hurt, but a little self-righteous.....until I took a closer look at my own Facebook usage.  The few close friends I do have, I maintain real time or phone time relationships with so I am not guilty of replacing the real connections with Facebook messages.  I did realize, however, that I always started my morning logging in to Facebook with my breakfast and morning coffee or tea only to find that time had slipped away from me and I had to start getting ready for work NOW!  In my defense, I was not spending all of that time on Facebook, but it would start there and then I would end up googling this that or the other and my morning would slowly be whittled away.  I decided to take a break from Facebook to see how much time I would gain in a day and what could be done in that time.  I saw a difference in my life almost immediately.  Oh, the things that were getting done BEFORE work....it rocked my socks off!!  I'd get up, go on a run, unload the dishwasher, scrub the bathroom, fold a load of laundry, and ta-da!  The house was staying tip-top with seemingly no effort!  With the house taken care of I was finding that I didn't feel like I needed to rush home and so Brandon and I began to hit the gym on a more regular basis.  I also found that our time at home together was more "together", even during the times he was playing a video game and I was reading (instead of being on the computer) we were sitting with each other occasionally chatting and definitely snuggling.  One of the things I wanted to do more of during what I began to call my "Facebook Fast", was to be in God's Word more.  With all the company we had this month and preparing for and enjoying the holidays, this was not accomplished, but I am now poised and ready to dive straight in.  I am not sure when I will log back in, but I know that I want to keep living without as much Facebook and more real life.  I wasn't  spending as much time on Facebook as I know a lot of people do, but even the small amount of time I was could be better spent doing something more worthwhile and I want to keep it that way.

     A church out of Wilmington, NC challenged its members in 2010 to choose a word to help shape their coming year instead of making a list of resolutions.  I heard about the challenge last year on K-Love and was inspired by the abstract kind of motivation it could unleash in my life.  They have a website to help you get started and write about your journey: http://www.myoneword.com/.  Last year my word was "bloom" and, as you may have guessed, became the catalyst for me to start my blog.  As 2011 drew to a close, I started to think about what my driving word would be for 2012. I noticed immediately that I was feeling pretty protective over the word "bloom" and was upset that I was going to have to trade it in for a new word.  "Bloom" really did have a presence in my life throughout the year and it really was the perfect word as I was growing in my new Christian life.  I could never have guessed that a single word could have had such a profound impact on me and the person I'm becoming and now I had to replace it!  How could another word possibly even measure up?

It's three weeks since my last post and I did finally start running again.....yesterday.  With good intentions I set my alarm every night for an hour early enough for me to rise and get a run in before the rest of my day started, but I am the queen of procrastination and I love my sleep.  Then something very wonderful happened!  Now, I have lived here since 2007; I love the beach, but have since grumbled and complained that this area does not have any hiking trails.  I had heard of this little place called Vereen Gardens located just a couple of miles from my neighborhood, but always pictured it as a dinky little trail with no ups or downs.  In a word: boring.  Well, last Friday came and Brandon and I both wanted to shrug off the gym (again), but I wanted to at least do something physical so I suggested with take the dogs for a short jaunt at Vereen Gardens.  We loaded the pooches into the car and made our way to Vereens really just expecting a short, quick walk in the fresh air.  Oh, my fancy was tickled as we discovered a treasure trove of winding, interconnected, up-and-down dirt trails!  Trails-trails-trails!!  I couldn't be more excited because I can run forever on trails and not realize how far I have gone.  The trails eventually take you to marshy wetlands where they have built bridges for people to walk over.  We were getting hungry and still had to make a stop at Wal-Mart so we turned around and headed back to the car with plans to bring our nephew back the next day.  Saturday, with nephew and dogs in tow, we went back and crossed the bridges to find the shore of the intracoastal way lined with thousands upon thousands of oyster shells.  I have never seen anything like it!  Monday came and I think my husband was a little surprised to hear me making plans to hit Vereen Gardens yet again, but without skipping a beat, I put on my iPod, grabbed Kudra and hit the trails a-runnin'.  There is nothing like pure nature to remind me of the glory and magnificence of God.  There is nothing like being surrounded by forest to remind me of my smallness and how fleeting this life is in the grand scheme of things.  It reminds me to stop putting things off until tomorrow.  Like Pastor Clay's wife Kim preached at our recent Threads event, "Better get to livin'!"  I got turned around a couple of times, but used the light from the setting sun to figure out which direction the Jeep was parked.  Eventually I believe I will have the trails figured out and I know I'm going to have an amazing time doing it.  It dumbfounds me that I never set out to explore this place, but the Lord knows what we need and when we need it!
"I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours"  - Casting Crowns

     First things, first:  Brandon and I both passed our written and practical exams for our personal training certification; we just have to get our CPR certifications and we will be in business.  Now.....if we could just get ourselves to the gym more often, we would really be doing good.  I cannot tell you how many times we have gotten into the car and headed to the gym IN our workout clothes and have found detours along the way....."We really need to hit the grocery store and we're kind of tired and hungry so....we'll start tomorrow."  It feels cheap somehow to be grocery shopping in your workout clothes knowing darn good and well you never made it to the gym (insert sheepish look). 
     I have a meeting at The Wellness Center our church is partnered with today about providing massage therapy at the center and decided to see if just maybe a couple of the nice pairs of jeans I owned when I met Brandon may be a little closer to fitting.  Well, I got one pair out of four buttoned.  Boo.  If I could lose the extra weight I have been carrying, I not only would feel better and be healthier, but I swear I would gain a really great wardrobe back.  I know they say to toss out the clothing items in your closet that don't fit you anymore, but keeping them is incentive, right?  Not so far, it appears.  Besides, who has the money to buy a whole new wardrobe every time their weight fluctuates?  I guess the point is to NOT have your weight fluctuate (insert another sheepish look). 
     So I have decided....I'm gonna Just Do It.  I loved the feeling I had when I ran oh-so-many years ago.  And I say it everyday -- tomorrow I'm going to start running again.  I have been saying that for too many years and so I have devised a plan.  Oh, it's a little scary, but I need something to kick me in the rump and get this thing going.  I am registering to run a 5K.  Not a lot of mileage, but knowing that date (January 7, 2012) will be looming over me, I am hoping it will help me lace up those sneakers every morning.  There, I've said it, maybe accountability is what I really need.  A small bit of extrinsic motivation may lead to an abundance of intrinsic motivation.  Who's with me?  I'm trying to get Brandon and my mom on this train, but if I have to ride the rails alone, I know Christ is in me pushing me right along!!

It all started as an idea for a potential new career for Brandon.  Having worked on a golf course since he was sixteen, he is yearning for something more rewarding, intrinsically as well as financially.  I was about to sign him up for a personal training course when my parents suggested I take the class with him, if only to supplement my massage practice in a different way.  We studied our little brains out leading up to our weekend course in Charlotte and it paid off because Brandon was answering questions in class left and right like he wasn't the only one in class without a health background.  The real magic, however, started happening before we ever arrived in Charlotte.  I found myself daydreaming about a wellness center.  Owned and operated by the Stephens.  We began discussing the possibilities of something bigger than we ever imagined.  Brandon and I would pass a building for rent and say, "We could start out in a place like that....."  It is exciting, but we're not getting ahead of ourselves.  It will be a long road, but one I know we will enjoy together.  Because of all the studying we did together, it opened a whole new dimension in our relationship and that in and of itself made it awesome and gives me a glimpse of what would be to come should we embark on this adventure together.  Until then, I have already begun to incorporate some of the things I've learned to help my clients with their pain which not only makes me happy, but will also add to my massage practice's success. We are still waiting for the results of our written and practical exams and will be for three to five weeks, but I've got a big smile on my face, a glimmer in my eye, and a dream in my heart.  Maybe one day Sacred Willow Massage will be Sacred Willow Wellness.  Just maybe!

There are moments in our lives that are so surreal that when they pass, you keep playing them
over and over in your mind, trying to relive them.  I had such a moment today.  It will be a memory that I will carry with me forever.  It is a frozen piece of time that I am sure will be a landmark for how God has worked in my life.  It will always be a reminder to keep faith, to fight the good fight, to be still, and to remember that it is God's desire to bless us, His children.

I want to preface this story by telling you about the way I relate with my clients.  Very few of my regular clients come in for a massage wtihout sitting down and chatting with me for  several minutes before getting on the table and often times will continue sharing thoughts, feelings, and bits of their lives during their session.  Because of the relaxed and private nature of a massage session, clients will open up about things they may not ordinarily talk about with others, but feel completely comfortable discussing with me.  That being said, it is not a one way street and I have been known to share details about myself to a certain degree.  I have found that when the opportunity arises, I love discussing my faith and learning from other Christians who are further in their walk than I am.  It is such an amazing feeling when I connect with another Christian and we are able to openly and honestly discuss our love for the Creator and the blessings and/or hardships happening in our lives. 

The client I had today had only been to me once before.  I remember talking to her at length about her life and a little about mine during her first session, but if faith was discussed it was brief and only in passing.  Today she expressed she had been experiencing alot of stress due to a close friend and neighbor's failing health.  I set my resolve to help ease the physical and mental manifestations of this stress by maintaining a quiet session and pouring my focus and loving intent into my movements and energy.  I called on the Lord to use me as a vessel to heal her from the inside out.  When our session was over, I stepped out so she could gather herself and then she visited the restroom.  I was changing the sheets when she re-entered the room and I started asking her about some volunteer work she does at a local nursing home. 

After a few moments she said, "I need to share something with you.  The Lord spoke to me during my massage and I have a message to give to you."  I closed the door for privacy and sat down on the edge of my massage table.  "When I walked in today and looked at your face, I saw calm, serenity and peace.  I saw it coming from your eyes and in the air around you."  At this point she stood up from the chair she was sitting in and placed her hands on the sides of my head at my temples and said, "You are blessed among women.  Your calm, serenity, and peace bless those around you.  You bring people many blessings and those blessings will be returned to you. The Lord wants you to know that you are right where you need to be and that blessings are coming soon."  She continued in this vein for a few more moments while my eyes were closed, but filling with tears.  When she was done I thanked her, told her I was grateful for the message and disclosed to her that Brandon and I had been trying for a child for a while now.  Her arms flew in the air, she gasped and said, "I just got chills.  Just remember, blessings are coming."  We spoke briefly about faith and then chit-chatted about other things as she sipped her water and then I walked her to the door and said goodbye. 

It has been almost a year and a half of trying to conceive and although I still have faith the Lord will bless us with a child, some days are harder than others.  Things have been changing at home, for the better, and I have felt a new wind sweeping into our lives.  A wind that feels like it is bringing something new, something sweet, something worth waiting for.  I am home and about to continue laundry and make dinner, but I can barely stand still or keep the smile off of my face because my heart might just burst with all the praise I have for my Lord and everything He is doing in my life.  I truly believe the Lord spoke to me through this woman because He loves me and, like a true father, was letting me know in His own way and whispering for me to keep my faith.

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:7

As I embark on this journey, I wonder where it will take me.  Do I have anything to say?  What will I find lurking in my heart that I will tap-tap-tap onto the screen for others to read? I hope this helps me to be more aware of the thoughts that make their way into my head instead of letting them float in and then float out without ever pinning them down.   I hope it will give me a fresh perspective on the seemingly accidental or innocuous happenings that take place during every day life.  I will embrace this sharing as a learning experience for me and as a way to study my life and read between my own lines.  Today I ask the Lord to bless me as I cast my vessel further into the seas of my life and to help me to see how His hand is directly involved in the guiding of my ship.