Victory. Is. Mine.

For a few years I have been saying the same thing, "If I lose some weight, I will get a whole new wardrobe."  I didn't mean I would reward myself by shopping for new clothes,  I was talking about my own clothes that had been hanging untouched in my closet for a long, long time.   I thought I believed that I would and could accomplish this goal and reclaim the mountain of Abercrombie and American Eagle jeans that I could no longer get past mid-thigh, many of which are almost brand new.    

I would have sporadic stints of furiously working out and walking/running with some results, but they were slow and small.  For over the past year I have fluctuated up and down within the same 5 pounds or so.  Until a couple of months ago, I never paid too much attention to my diet.  I made healthy choices most of the time, but didn't really watch my portion sizes.  Also, I like sweets and I like them at night-time.  In February I started a year long fast from alcohol (which has turned into a life-long decision) and I noticed a difference in my tummy and on the scale almost immediately. Not long after that I heard a woman in the nursery at church talking about losing 3 pounds after eliminating Splenda from her diet (something about it binding to the toxins in your body....) and although I only use it in my morning coffee, I dumped Splenda for Stevia and within a week and a half I had lost another 5 pounds.  I was feeling good!  My clothes were getting looser, my face was thinning out, and my runs were easier without the extra weight so I really started watching what I ate and buckled down on not eating after 6 P.M. (This is sometimes unrealistic as I now have a 2nd job in the evening.  If my stomach is growling when I get home at 10, I do eat something small) I really didn't do a whole lot of working out with the exception of a few long walks/runs and I have a very physical job at which I have been blessed to be busy.

People began to comment on my weight loss and compliment my appearance, but I continued to eye the untouched pants and skirts in my closet with a huge dose of skepticism.  There have been times in the past I foolishly tried something on only to be discouraged.  After losing the weight, I was feeling good and had finally gotten to a place where I was ready to let go of all the clothes I had been hanging onto.  I knew I was healthier, happier, and comfortable in my own skin again and if I didn't fit into my old clothes, no matter how expensive some of those jeans were, I was going to take them to the consignment shop and buy some new ones that fit me.  Monday was closet cleaning day.  I started with a skirt that I only wore twice in my lifetime probably about ten years ago -- something I could easily purge and not feel too bad about.  I even said aloud, "Well, I'm never going to fit into you again," but before I started a "give-away" pile with it, I decided to slip it on just to see how ridiculously tight it still was. 

AND IT ZIPPED UP.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!   The realization hit me that I never believed that I actually could fit into any of those clothes again.  Maybe that subconscious futility kept me from really putting my butt into gear and it makes me mad at myself and a little sad that I remained complacent for so long.  Now, I am not one who twirls in skirts, I never have been.  But I did -- I twirled all over my bedroom.  And then I couldn't get it off fast enough to see which of my jeans I could rotate back into my wardrobe.  Guess how many.  ALL OF THEM.  It took me about an hour to pick my jaw up off of the floor.  I can fit into things I couldn't fit into when I met my husband 5 years ago.  Some of you may have seen a recent facebook post of some pants I wanted feedback on (many people find them to be hideous, but I just adore them) -- I cannot remember the last time I was able to wear them (mom and dad have been thankful for that). 

Seeing this substantial progress has been such an encouragement to me; my workouts at the gym have been amped up and I am once again pushing myself in the area of strength training.  The only thing more satisfying than seeing sweat drip off of you at the gym is the feeling of soreness that sets in the next day.  It just feels like a job well done.  And to tell you the truth, being 32 pounds lighter feels pretty darn good too.

And so victory is mine!

I hope people don't read this and think that I find my self worth in a pant size or a number on the scale because regardless of my size, I love who I am and I never forget that I am God's masterpiece - being a little overweight did not change that.  I do, however, think it is important to be healthy and to take care of this body that I have been blessed with; after all, it is a temple for the Holy Spirit.

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit,

who lives in you and was given to you by God?

 You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price.

So you must honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

This is less about losing weight and more about operating at optimum performance.  Looking back on my life, some of my best times have been when I felt amazing physically -- when I was strong and had the energy to do anything I wanted.  I am now reclaiming that power and harnessing that strength and energy to do whatever God calls me to do for the glory of His kingdom.  What seemed to be a weight-loss journey was actually an awakening of a lion within me -- a lion that will roar into all the corners of my life -- while wearing cute jeans.